Conversations with Father (about men & dating)

  • Me: I just watched a show about how successful (i.e. college educated) black women are not getting married.
  • Him: Why is that a show? What's the problem? A black woman is better off by herself than with a black man that will bring her down. There's no point in getting married unless it's about mutual love and respect.
  • Me: Well a lot of the black men on the show said that the reason black women are single is because they expect too much.
  • Him: Psh. Black women do not expect too much! What is a black woman supposed to do? She is educated. She has her life in order. And she is supposed to get with any old man because he didn't get his life together but still feels he is entitled to any woman he wants?
  • Me: Well they said that you have to look at a man's potential.
  • Him: That's what they want you to think so that you don't require anything in actuality from them. You look at who a man is. Not who he says he will be.
  • Me: The show also talked about why a lot of men cheat. They said it's because women were not keeping them happy or not sexually doing what they want.
  • Him: That's ridiculous. There's no reason for anybody to cheat. If a man is grounded then he will love his partner enough not to cheat.
  • Me: They also said that you need to make a man feel like a man.
  • Him: If I am a man then why would I need a woman to make me feel like a man?
  • Me: I don't know.
  • Him: A real man does not need a woman to make him feel like a man. He is a man, isn't he? Men who say that have an inferiority complex.
  • Me: Well they were saying that they need to feel like they wear the pants in the relationship.
  • Him: Look. A man does not feel threatened by anyone unless he does not have his own life together. And in that case he will be threatened whether a woman lays down and lets him walk all over him or if she makes more money or anything else.

To my future wife






I am not obligated to you. I am obligated to God and since He said you are for me, I will love you with every fiber of my being. I will cherish and honor my vows to you and God. I choose God’s way. But I am soooooo glad His way pointed to you.

Nah, if you’re a Christian. You are obligated to your wife and and are to love her like Christ loves the church, giving himself up for her. That’s bible fam. 

I think I get what you are trying to say…but yeah, once she’s your wife you are obligated, accountable, and head to her. By all means you follow God which  should enable her to trust your headship. But you are to submit to your wife just as much as she does to you.

And by submit (for those that aren’t aware) it’s not servitude, it’s just compromising and considering the other person before yourself.

Also, love of a spouse or family or friends is not in competition with loving/serving God.  Because:

1. God is love and every time we show love for people (as defined in 1 Cor 13 and elsewhere) we are reflecting a bit of God onto that person. That’s part of our calling to serve him.  They should do the same for you.

2.  If when we help “the least of these” (Matt 25) it’s as though we are doing it for Jesus, how much more are we serving and loving Him when we love, commit to and help our spouses?  We can love and obey God through our love of other people.  

3. God uses wives to speak to husbands and vice versa when wisdom and guidance is required in many situations in life.  If you are of the mindset that all you need is “just you and God” to make things work out and view her words as less-than you and your family will be in for a world of (needless) pain, dysfunction and frustration. As someone who grew up in a family where that happened, please trust me on this.  Don’t let your ego and perception of your role as spiritual head ruin your family.

I had an internal shout.

The word of God for the people of God




John Crowder really puts it into perspective when he says God is not in competition with your spouse for your love, He is the source of love through you to your spouse. You can never outlove God to God, just receive his love for you and give it back to others. It’s a difference type of love. Plus God’s love shouldn’t be first in our lives it should be the center in every aspect of our lives, especially in the relationship that it a reflection of His relationship with the church (marriage)



Men who get offended by women who won’t take their husband’s last name. LoL.

Like nigga y’all are married, what more do you want. If she likes her last name, why must she change it?

Or when they get pissy when she hyphenates her maiden name and married name.

My mom did…

If I could do it again, I’d keep my maiden name and not change it. The amount of confusion and paperwork is STUPID, and for what?! Some archaic system of becoming your husband’s “property”.


Technically I have two last names now, which happened completely by accident.

If I have a daughter (and she’s heterosexual) I’ll plead the case for not changing it if she doesn’t want to. Whether you change your name or not, the contract still stands and should be honored.






The Hulk ain’t never lied.

I can’t even express how much respect I have for Mark Ruffalo.  The dude’s on the US terrorism watchlist for fuck’s sake.

Omg, it’s true

He was put on the terrorist watch list for backing a documentary that shits all over capitalism and corporate greed and is pro environment?? Like this one guy set his fucking WATER on fire - that’s some Jesus stuff but nah son this flammable water is coming out of this guys tap and his family and neighbors drink it and the doccumentary is speaking against fracking but? AND MARK WAS PUT ON THE TERRORIST LIST FOR SUPPORTING THIS DOCUMENTARY I MEAN ‘MURICA tho.